ohhhh june

this has been the week of good-byes.
four people in seven days. it's been rough. i cried at the departure of franck. the boy from la reunion (see him being insane on right) on wednesday night. it's hard to imagine him being literally on the other side of the world over the summer, when he was just living on the other side of the city center from me for 9 months. so i stood in his doorway holding back tears for about 10-15 minutes (i had to leave early due to the teaching commitment the next morning). one of the hardest good-byes i've ever had to say. franck, if you're reading this - i'm going to miss you like crazy. it's strange to meet people you grow to love so much, and leave them, not knowing when you're going to see them again. and it's not like it was in college, where you think "oh, she'll be in ny, i'll be in vt, we'll see each other". this guy, for example, lives between madagascar and india on a small island in the indian ocean. that's really, really far away. but, he'll be back in france during the school year, and maybe i can convince him and the others to come for a visit in april. or, if i save some money, i could come back and do a europe tour of my own, visiting the frenchies and the italians, as a sort of reunion.
anyways. after franck left on thursday, maria left friday, barbara on saturday, and simo left today. it was day after day after day of good-byes. thursday night, we got together at maria and simo's for one last all together good-bye drink some absinthe (i'm not sure how i feel about absinthe yet... the flavor is soooo pungent) take photos, and partake in ridiculousness as per usual. the night ended in mass hugs, as we all realized how different our lives are going to be after we leave this little utopia (yes, i'm saying utopia... be shocked) to which we've become so accustomed. see image at left for mass italy/USA hug. last night when we got together to grab a beer with simo before he headed back to italia, we realized what a small group we have now, and how empty it feels. the voids, the voids are definitely there. it's bizarre to think the italians are back in italy, and i'm not going near them, i'm headed across the atlantic.
last night we said good-bye to simo, which was tough. i never want to stop hugging these people when i say good-bye to them. it doesn't help that they're all so wonderful and saying such wonderful things. the friendship there is so genuine. as simone said last night "you are my family." which is so true. here, in this strange experience far from home, my family became this strange mix of people, coming from all over the world. and now my family is starting to scatter, and the roots that i put down are starting to get torn up (this entire trip has been about rattling my cage huh?). so that's starting to hit. it's such a bittersweet feeling. i am so happy to have met these people, so happy to have shared memories with them and shared moments and created these friendships, some of which i feel have been there for years. and it's so sad to leave them, to have them not be a part of my daily life, to not have them a phone call away to grab a drink, or stop by their apartments on my way home from work to vent about my children and their antics.
oh there's an ache in my heart again, and it's not for home. because now, i know i'm going home. it's just a few weeks around the corner. but my family, my international, crazy, adventurous, caring, loving, beautiful family is spreading out, and who knows when i'll see them again.

i love you all.

ohhh la vache

my desire to go home grows every day.
despite the fact that i love the people here very much, i love my apartment, and school is honestly going smoothly
i find myself yearning for my girls, my family, my dog, and all familiar things.
my itunes is on shuffle, and there's christmas music on there. i can't listen to christmas music when it's not christmas time to begin with, but when the music from the charlie brown christmas comes on, my heart HURTS. i was talking with a friend online just now, and meant to write the word "him" and i wrote "home" right as the alternate take of greensleves from charlie brown christmas came on.
wow.
it's almost bad enough that i want to change my flight.
almost. i should travel some, i really should. so i will.

i've just never stopped feeling like a stranger. which is not odd - i am a stranger here. i am an american girl living in france. but i've never felt fully welcomed. my schools have done a somewhat decent job. some of the teachers much more than others. my friends, yes they were welcoming, but the majority of them came from somewhere other than france, and i think we bonded over being strangers in this land.
as i said before - i've never had an experience where i have felt so strongly about so many things. which is good - it rattled my cage, changed me as a person, and helped me grow. but i'm ready to relax, to let down my guard, to not feel the need to always defend my people or my country or even myself. to get hugs and not bisous. to make casserole in an oven and not on the stove top. to watch tv with commercials in the middle. to see a baseball game. to drink a long trail beer. to laugh and be loud and have it be okay. to be respected. to not feel an ache almost every day when i get those lovely reminders that i don't quite fit here.

but enough with the sadness - three more weeks of teaching then i'm out of here and back stateside july 9. yesssss

so close.........

so it's now june 6th. things here in france are going alright... not too much to report. people are slowly starting to leave, this upcoming week is going to be the worst. franck wednesday, maria friday, barbara saturday, simone sunday. yikes!
i've got three more weeks of teaching left. which is great. then a quick trip to various destinations... then home to vt on july 9.

in august, i move into a close friend's apartment with her in brookline. i'm excited for that. still looking for jobs.

i'm mentally done with my job, which is not helpful. i'm enjoying the time left here with everyone that i've grown to love...

i hosted two girls from quebec last weekend, they are members of couchsurfing.com as well. they were sweet, just finished their studies in journalism.

there was a free maroon 5 concert last night, simo, emilie, franck, elise and i went. i've included some pictures here.

i'll do a longer post later on kiddos...

gros bisous.